tomorrow is my first day of inpatient, on the bone marrow transplant service. i have little faith in my knowledge (i haven’t studied hem/onc in two years, really) and my organizational and synthesizing skills. but it doesn’t sound like anyone expects much out of us. my colleagues keep telling me not to worry. but i think their personal fear is just reflexive. mine comes from months and months of drinking, not studying, riding on my previous accomplishments, and hoping to ride on my own former coat tails til i can get my act together. not bragging or resorting to dramatics, just telling it as it is. act isn’t together yet as i tried to read my huge harrison’s textbook but really spent the night before i start hanging out drinking pbr til 1130, regardless of my 5 am wakeup time (not bad, but i don’t do well without sleep) and regardless of the fact that i don’t know what ALL or AML or CML technically are, though i’ll be helping to manage them tomorrow.
also i couldn’t get my white coat today due to multiple unfortunate circumstances involving teriyaki chicken samples, green suede shoes, and a gallon of white vinegar.
here’s to all that, to the lazy before and to the long days ahead.